Harmful motivation

14 July 2021

Comparison with others: suppression of personality
"But Jack got an A!" - the eternal nightmare of all schoolchildren. For some reason, many, many generations of parents believe that one of the best ways to motivate a child to work harder is to compare him with others. It seems to them that if you devalue his merits ("Second place in the competition? And ... - then I got to the first!") Or emphasize the failure ("Couldn't? But Kris did it!"), The teenager will immediately be fired up with the idea to prove, that he is not only no worse, but even better than the legendary Sasha or the magical Molina. However, the only result a family achieves is a feeling of worthlessness and hatred of innocent classmates.

When parents want to compare their child with others or with themselves again, they need to remember that we all have different developmental rates, predispositions, and starting conditions. If for some the story is easy, for others it can be a pain, and even if the grandfather is an academician at least three times and never wrote, it does not mean that grandchildren can not use the EssayAssistant.org and will not make them magically love biology if they hate it.

It is necessary to encourage students to move to what is really important and interesting for them, to understand together what helped others cope with the task, and replace phrases like "and I'm your age" with stories about how this or that person succeeded.


Emotional blackmail

Pressure on feelings of duty and guilt is one of the most effective and at the same time horrible ways of manipulation. If from any more or less significant guilt the mother starts to cry and cry, and each assessment will lead the grandfather to a pre-infarction state, the teenager will most likely start using the https://essayassistant.org/dissertation-help/ to adjust the level and will start worrying too much about how not to harm someone. behaviour. In the future, these guys grow up to be very "comfortable" adults for others: useful, lost, invertebrates - and unhappy.

Children who find themselves in such conditions, live in constant stress, do not know what initiative is, and do not know how not only to make decisions, but even just want something. In the future, with a high degree of probability, they will begin to be pushed around not only by old mom and dad, but also by colleagues, friends and lovers. In such conditions, it is difficult to achieve something significant in life.

Parents, of course, can (and should) let their children know if they are hurting them. But you can't use this as leverage and try to turn constant guilt into motivation. It cannot become a motivation.

Money: the reason for estrangement from family
The main problem of money, like any other payment for useful actions in childhood and early adolescence, is the replacement of intrinsic motivation with extrinsic motivation. When a teenager is doing schoolwork or housework, it is important for him to realize that it is his responsibility as a student and family member. He has to do his homework every day, because you have to go to school and go to a good university or college, and not because you will be given a dollar for it. By constantly putting up a price tag, a family can kill in children a sense of the correctness of useful actions, reduce motivation from “becoming successful” or “caring for loved ones” to just earning pocket money. In the future, this may lead to the fact that the relationship will become more businesslike and any action will begin to be assessed solely from the standpoint of material benefits.

There is nothing wrong if parents "hire" a teenager as their assistants in the framework of work tasks (for example, asking to sort out documents). Here they set a task and then pay like any other employee. But when it comes to everyday household chores or school routine, it is important for the student to understand that this is his duty, and everything must be done well, not because they will be paid for it.

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